Today would have been Dad's 59th birthday. We would have probably gone out for a meal, cut a cake, discussed his plans for retirement, talked about grandkids. And even though he isn't here anymore, I will still do these things - because he will always be in my heart, and I know he is looking down on us, smiling, wanting us to make the best of our lives.
Dad, I miss you more than words can say. Not a moment goes by that I don't think about you. In fact, I think about you more now than I did when you were around - when I have to make a decision or face a difficult conversation, I first think about what you would do.
They say time is a healer - I'm not sure how much time this cliche had in mind and I'm not optimistic that this wound will ever heal. There are mornings when I struggle to get up and face the world, and nights where I cry myself to sleep. Days where I'd rather not deal with teenage children and evenings where his last moments replay like a videotape in my head. Perhaps some wounds never heal. But I draw strength from Dad's relentless battle with life, his ability to smile through hardship, and his determination to never give up on a body that was giving up on him. And thank you to everyone who has been there for me and my family over the last few months - your support and friendship are so invaluable.
Happy birthday Dad. I hope you're celebrating today, as a free spirit. See you on the other side x